Nota Bene - when you think too much...

I begin with a caveat, since this is going to be full of pointless clutter of thoughts. There comes phases in your life when you are so busy that a peaceful meal also becomes a luxury. You gobble your food over a murky sitcom, just to take your mind off of your daily routine - the advanced deadline at work, the month end bills to be paid, meeting your partner's expectations, your Mother's schedule for the next doctor's visit, and the list goes on.

There are few memories that get ingrained in your system. Whatever the time span, you will still remember the subject and the standard in school when you got 10/10, where everyone else scored lesser OR the embarrassing moment in your 1st job when, while bitching about your boss to your colleague, the chat went to the boss herself!

On a similar note, I still remember what a friend told me once. Everyone should keep aside at least half an hour everyday to talk to your own self. The pondering not only rectifies your goof-ups, it also allows you to pep yourself up, thinking about the positive things in life that keeps you going. As any good 'gyan' goes, I never gave any second thought to it. Till now, that is...

I guess being around a hoard of friends sometimes solves that purpose. Being alone here has given me tons of hours to just THINK - even when I do not intend to. The mind is in such a muddle that I get confused as to what I actually want to concentrate on, and I need to listen to loads of songs - both to divert my mind and not feel alone at the same time. Well, jotting down a few might take some of the crap off my head. :) Let's try and take it point-wise:

1. Getting back to roots has become very crucial. You hypocritically tend to do stuff that you scoffed at before, like listening to Bengali (specially Rabindranath) songs; waiting for your drama-soap everyday and wondering what the next day's episode is going to unravel. You start watching those '70s Hindi movies and think how come you missed the epics earlier? You even dig up documentaries on subjects that make your parents proudly say, "Oh our daughter is interested in such varied topics"!

2. Social networking and virtual web space becomes your world. However much you curse and coax yourself to get de-addicted, you cannot brush in the morning at peace, wondering about the activities and updates that might have taken place while you were sleeping!

3. You start valuing life, friends, even colleagues who used to share a random chat with you on the office floor. You realise that even bitching can be an amazing tool to relax, at least it gets you smiling... Loneliness is productive only when it is not forced on you.

4. People love to be praised! Not that it's a ground-breaking revelation, but reciprocating a phrase of niceties can work wonders on their ego. Again, the line between 'sharing secrets' and 'encroaching on privacy' is very subtle. You never know what turns off people (basically, you cared two hoots earlier, instead now you brood over the reasons).

5. There is a desperate attempt at working on creative stuffs and rediscovering oneself. The childhood hobbies resurface, you try your hand at multiple activities like cooking, writing, sketching (only to make yourself feel worse, when you realise that you excel at none!). You plan and un-plan daily activities, promising yourself a full-fledged course, or taking up that drama class you always wanted. Well, none gets converted to reality. Self-drive and motivation can be marvelous tools, for whosoever possesses it!

You really feel that you miss out so much in your otherwise hectic life. Minute things like watching the old Hindi movies can also make you feel complete in a way, you feel part of your tradition, living a crucial bit of your parent's prime life. A skype session with Maa everyday or an impromptu one with a friend keeps me going, and of course those weekend or trip plans.

Life goes on, as the elders used to say. And now we have picked up the saying, as we take up more responsibilities of being an adult. That's enough food for thought for today :)